Exasperated, frustrated, anxious...disappointed...exasperated!!!

you know how sometimes you wish you'd could pick up the phone and call the person that you want to speak to so much?

but am not sure if you'd know or could relate to the exasperation and gradual frustration, when there's no number to call?!

the fastest search engine couldn't find me your details
Google couldn't bring up the right 'Ephrem'...and I thought Google's the most reliable and accurate search engine available in the WWW?
what on earth?!!
They should have their share price thoroughly revalued!

the amount of time spent googling you, your details (not that I have many to begin with), the place where we met...*sigh*, could have me covered several chapters of Financial Analysis; the desperate attempts all met with miserable disappointments, the searches all returned the most remotest link to you...*sigh*

in desperate moments like this, I simply wished it's easier
I deeply wished you'd leave more cyber footprints, so that Google could sniff you out...

in the multiple times that I thought about how we would to meet, when our paths were to intertwine again...

I racked my mind scouring the ways, methods, strategies or even meticulously planned 'coincidences' just so I could "bump" into you again....

should I get my aunt to ask my Nan in BM to ask of Lawrence's mum's whereabout?
then get Lawrence's whereabouts...(somewhere in HK, last I heard
then after a looooonnnnnngggg chat, side-tracking everything else, and then,ease into the 'just happen' to ask about you? your whereabouts....what you've doing all these years? ask about how you've doing?...*argh*

it's so mega exasperating
*ARGH*

when I logged in to pen this post, there was a whole lot of points which I had wanted to expand into proses, but the proses just can't seem to form & flow...

well, in short, I had really wanted to call you
to send you texts...
....or just pick the phone, dial your number ....to hear your deeply comforting voice
to ask you how was your day(did you miss me?)
to let you know what I'm feeling right now...
(a bit lost?...in a daze over...?.....not really sure of the direction I shld take....my next steps...)

there are so, so many Qs I wanted to ask..
well, actually....more than anything I just needed to hear your voice tonight
your soothing voice.......
just so I could ......oh well...I don't know...my mind's in a mini whirlpool...

good night dear
xxx

ps: I'll try to be more composed in my trains of thought and put in more effort in trying to articulate the thoughts into comprehensible proses...