After 22 years..........why did your name pop up again?

Why now?

I thought: If not now, then when?


If I don't start punching the keyboard now, it'll just get deferred and the procrastination will keep getting the better of me...


At least there'll be a start...and I can keep a journal that chronicles all that happened, and happening, a secret corner where I can 'think of you aloud' and pour out my all my thoughts, random raves, rants and ruminations - which, you certainly will be a big part of.

And, to that, in an impromtu click of the mouse, I find myself here..punching the keys away...


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The date : 25 July2007....


I truly wondered why, of all days, your name popped up in my brain, today...why today?
God must have His reasons...



I thought about you long...and hard......real hard, for a very long time..

in fact you would to fill my entire mind, entire days for the next 10days....



I did nothing at all....except sitting here at my study desk, just allowing the train of thoughts of you to flow freely...
....filling in the gaps...asking the 'whys'...'hows'.....but most of all, 'where are you now?'.....
....and how have life treated you all these years? these long 22 years...since the day we met in B.Mertajam......and if you are happy now...




22 years ago....

It was so brief. It was so short and quick. You appeared, with that rugged chiselled chin and cleanly shaven face of yours, grinning widely as we were introduced by Lawrence.

(also wondering, whatever happened to him and where exactly is he now...? Last I heard from my aunt, he married a HK gal ...residing in plush penthouse in Victoria Harbour now, probably..)


I vividly remembered uttering to myself, "how unique this name, Ephrem, is" as you introduced yourself, adding the explanation to the meaning of your special name.

I thought I remembered much, but in actuality I can't recall all that I wanted to, but I do remember the kiss you planted on my cheek.
You promised you'll see me again, before I left for Johore.


Don't know why you didn't turn up "that afternoon" when we were supposed to meet before I leave the next day. Why? Tell me...

I supposed you had a football game? Or your gf (?) held on tightly to you?

I never knew the reason/s...I didn't ask then as I thought i didn't mean much if not anything, to you...but kept wondering I did...

All that I have after 22years, is the special, unique ringing of your name in my mind and your hometown.
I truly have not the foggiest idea how am I going to hunt you down....*sigh*

but I pray..our paths will cross again, some day...one day...


From the 25 July to pretty much the entire month of August, you invaded and occupied most of my mind, my thoughts, my every breathing moments - so much so, I had to tear myself away from sitting idly down & allowing those thoughts to flow.


I had to get up and start living again. I just had to. It was as if the past 10 or odd days were like....vegetating in a zombie world...

If you must know, I literally spent the 10days or more, allowing my entire thoughts to be fully occupied by you - just you. Period. How scary is that? Very.

I never knew I could allow myself to literally idle and "rot" like this.

But I had to get up and start living again. I need to let the micronism breathe and do something useful and live life.